Now I am Happy

My mother had given me a book which she had bought from the local
library, for R2-00.  It was called "Awaken the Giant Within,"

One of the things that I'd learnt from this book, was the importance of
realizing what our values are - which in plain English just means what is
important to us.  It is important to know what is important.  That might
seem obvious.  But do you really know what is important to you?  If I were
to ask you to mention the ten most important things in your life, in order of
importance, could you do that?

Some more of this will definitely follow elsewhere as we explore my
journey.  But for now, just understand that this was the exercise I was busy
with, and I had realized that it would be interesting, comparing my list of
important things, with that of my beautiful wife.

It was a sunny winter's day, my study was on the 3rd floor of the nicest
house I had ever lived in.  My study had a little office on the one side, with
a stunning view of the Assegay Valley in Hillcrest, Durban, and a little
lounge on the other side.  My wife and I were sitting in this lounge,
enjoying the winter sun warming up the room through the large
north-facing window pane.

Having spent quite a bit of time on my list of important things, I had a good
idea what they were, and having struggled for a while with it, I expected
that my wife might ponder the question a while, when I asked:

"What do you think is the most important thing in life?"

She didn't blink.  She didn't get a ponderous expression, even for a
moment.  She seemed rather almost surprised that I could ask such a
ridiculously easy question with such an air of gravity, and responded
immediately, with as much ease as if I'd asked her the colour of the
curtains:  

"To be happy, of course."

Now to put this into perspective, you have to understand that "To be
happy," was not on my list.  It was not, not on my top ten list.  It was NOT
on my list.  Ever.  At all.  It had not occurred to me, that it could be
important, at all, to be happy, ever.

In hindsight, it is perfectly obvious to me, that, if being happy never
featured in my conscious or semi-conscious awareness of myself and the
things that I did, that I was unlikely to have been accidentally happy, most
of the time.

Being totally baffled, I began to check the things that were important to me.

I realized that every single thing on my list, ultimately, was there because
without ever thinking about it, I believed that by meeting that value, I would
either make myself happy, or make someone else happy.  Not always
immediately.  But ultimately, it all actually focused around being happy.

So why was I not accidentally happy, most of the time then?  

Well, for one, I had not, until just before then, actually consciously
identified all these things that are important to me, and secondly, I had
discovered since then that when you understand the importance of
happiness as one of the foundation stones of life, then you interpret all
the other things that are important, differently, and you make decisions
about them differently.

I have always said that the opposite of being happy, is not being unhappy,
but not being happy.  To not be happy, doesn't mean that you are actually
unhappy.  However, having now journeyed down the path of enjoying
being happy most of the time, I've begun to realize that when you are not
happy for long enough, you will slowly become unhappy - and you will
become so used to it, that you won't even notice that you are unhappy.

And so, within a matter of minutes, one of the biggest fundamental
changes to the way I had looked at life until then, had happened.  I had
realized that being happy is important.  

I searched my e-sword, and discovered that in the Good News
Translation, the words happy and happiness are everywhere.  And when
reading other translations, it became clear to me that being happy seems
to be what God had in mind, a lot of the time, for us.  He wants me to be
happy.  I have since discovered that He actually gives us a lot of tools, to
help us to be happy.  And we'll deal with many of those in this web site.

I began adding the happiness or unhappiness that decisions would bring
into my life, as one of the things I would consider when making decisions,
and it totally revolutionised the way I made decisions.

Only looking back, did I realize that one of the most important steps to a
life of being mostly happy, was a conscious realization of the importance,
of living a life of being mostly happy.

With this, then started my journey, of pursuing happiness.  Not solely.  Not
as an empty "I will be happy at the cost of everything around me." No, a
balanced search for beginning to understand what made me happy, what
made me unhappy, and why.  

Why did I allow things in my life that made me unhappy?  
Could I get rid of all of these things?  
Why did I not do more of the things that would truly make me happy?

I started asking these kind of questions, and searching for their answers.  
And I discovered more answers, than what I had expected!

But first, I had to make peace with the fact that it was OK for me to be
happy, then with the fact that it was not only OK, but actually important for
me to be happy.  I have since discovered that when I am happy, I am of
much more use to people around me and to my society, than what I was
when I was mostly unhappy, or mostly not happy.  I am more focused, I am
more productive, I think better, I understand things better, I am physically
more healthy, I make better decisions, my relationship with God is better
than what it has ever been, my relationships with people around me are
better.  

I think that being happy has truly made me a better person in every area
of my life.

Am I happy all the time?  No.  Sometimes things happen that make me
unhappy.  But I'm getting better at dealing with those.  And I am happy
most of the time.  And with most, I don't mean like just eeking over with
that 51%/49% majority.  No, it's more like I'm happy 90% of the time.

Have you given yourself permission to be happy?
Are you happy most of the time?

Do you want to be happier?

I hope that by sharing with you some other things I discovered on my
journey, I can add to your happiness.

Let's have a look at the importance of living according to your design...
The Importance of Happiness