Now I am Happy

My mother had given me a book which she had bought from the local library,
for R2-00.  It was called "Awaken the Giant Within,"

One of the things that I'd learnt from this book, was the importance of realizing
what our values are - which in plain English just means what is important to us.  
It is important to know what is important.  That might seem obvious.  But do you
really know what is important to you?  If I were to ask you to mention the ten
most important things in your life, in order of importance, could you do that?

Some more of this will definitely follow elsewhere as we explore my journey.  But
for now, just understand that this was the exercise I was busy with, and I had
realized that it would be interesting, comparing my list of important things, with
that of my beautiful wife.

It was a sunny winter's day, my study was on the 3rd floor of the nicest house I
had ever lived in.  My study had a little office on the one side, with a stunning
view of the Assegay Valley in Hillcrest, Durban, and a little lounge on the other
side.  My wife and I were sitting in this lounge, enjoying the winter sun warming
up the room through the large north-facing window pane.

Having spent quite a bit of time on my list of important things, I had a good idea
what they were, and having struggled for a while with it, I expected that my wife
might ponder the question a while, when I asked:

"What do you think is the most important thing in life?"

She didn't blink.  She didn't get a ponderous expression, even for a moment.  
She seemed rather almost surprised that I could ask such a ridiculously easy
question with such an air of gravity, and responded immediately, with as much
ease as if I'd asked her the colour of the curtains:  

"To be happy, of course."

Now to put this into perspective, you have to understand that "To be happy,"
was not on my list.  It was not, not on my top ten list.  It was NOT on my list.  
Ever.  At all.  It had not occurred to me, that it could be important, at all, to be
happy, ever.

In hindsight, it is perfectly obvious to me, that, if being happy never featured in
my conscious or semi-conscious awareness of myself and the things that I did,
that I was unlikely to have been accidentally happy, most of the time.

Being totally baffled, I began to check the things that were important to me.

I realized that every single thing on my list, ultimately, was there because
without ever thinking about it, I believed that by meeting that value, I would
either make myself happy, or make someone else happy.  Not always
immediately.  But ultimately, it all actually focused around being happy.

So why was I not accidentally happy, most of the time then?  

Well, for one, I had not, until just before then, actually consciously identified all
these things that are important to me, and secondly, I had discovered since
then that when you understand the importance of happiness as one of the
foundation stones of life, then you interpret all the other things that are
important, differently, and you make decisions about them differently.

I have always said that the opposite of being happy, is not being unhappy, but
not being happy.  To not be happy, doesn't mean that you are actually
unhappy.  However, having now journeyed down the path of enjoying being
happy most of the time, I've begun to realize that when you are not happy for
long enough, you will slowly become unhappy - and you will become so used to
it, that you won't even notice that you are unhappy.

And so, within a matter of minutes, one of the biggest fundamental changes to
the way I had looked at life until then, had happened.  I had realized that being
happy is important.  

I searched my e-sword, and discovered that in the Good News Translation, the
words happy and happiness are everywhere.  And when reading other
translations, it became clear to me that being happy seems to be what God had
in mind, a lot of the time, for us.  He wants me to be happy.  I have since
discovered that He actually gives us a lot of tools, to help us to be happy.  And
we'll deal with many of those in this web site.

I began adding the happiness or unhappiness that decisions would bring into
my life, as one of the things I would consider when making decisions, and it
totally revolutionised the way I made decisions.

Only looking back, did I realize that one of the most important steps to a life of
being mostly happy, was a conscious realization of the importance, of living a
life of being mostly happy.

With this, then started my journey, of pursuing happiness.  Not solely.  Not as
an empty "I will be happy at the cost of everything around me." No, a balanced
search for beginning to understand what made me happy, what made me
unhappy, and why.  

Why did I allow things in my life that made me unhappy?  
Could I get rid of all of these things?  
Why did I not do more of the things that would truly make me happy?

I started asking these kind of questions, and searching for their answers.  And I
discovered more answers, than what I had expected!

But first, I had to make peace with the fact that it was OK for me to be happy,
then with the fact that it was not only OK, but actually important for me to be
happy.  I have since discovered that when I am happy, I am of much more use
to people around me and to my society, than what I was when I was mostly
unhappy, or mostly not happy.  I am more focused, I am more productive, I
think better, I understand things better, I am physically more healthy, I make
better decisions, my relationship with God is better than what it has ever been,
my relationships with people around me are better.  

I think that being happy has truly made me a better person in every area of my
life.

Am I happy all the time?  No.  Sometimes things happen that make me
unhappy.  But I'm getting better at dealing with those.  And I am happy most of
the time.  And with most, I don't mean like just eeking over with that 51%/49%
majority.  No, it's more like I'm happy 90% of the time.

Have you given yourself permission to be happy?
Are you happy most of the time?

Do you want to be happier?

I hope that by sharing with you some other things I discovered on my journey, I
can add to your happiness.

Let's have a look at the importance of living according to your design...

Please email me for any
queries

ashton@ashtonfourie.com
The Importance of
Happiness